Don't worry, be happy :)

Focus on life issues.
Ask Arlene MD is to focus on anything that has to do with mental health. In the past I've written about relationships but now I would like to focus more on mental health and try to be educational and entertaining. Life is always about relationships. These are either male, female, parent, child, neighbors, teachers, and the list is infinite. How we interact with others define us. If we are angry, we can develop toxic relationships. If we have a better attitude, then we will be happy. Happiness is really a state of mind. You chose to feel happy. You chose to be sad. You choose to be angry. You chose to be mean. Hopefully if you read this blog you will use it for insight, not to attack others. The purpose is to try to make people have a better and positive look at life. Enjoy!

Monday, January 25, 2016

Soulmates, fantasy or reality?

Do we really have Soulmates? Some people believe and others don't.
I'll never forget that episode of "Sex and the City" when this was discussed at length. Charlotte believed we all get two chances in life to meet our soulmate, ( because she recently had divorced her first husband and was hoping for a second chance). Miranda, the red haired sarcastic attorney, didn't believe in Soulmates at all, and Samantha and Carrie believed in multiple Soulmates in life. In fact, Carrie's comment was "Soulmates are like cabs, if you miss one, you just get the next one.

I have my own take on this soulmate thing. I am inclined to be more like Carrie in the sense that why should we just conform with one soulmate in life? What is the definition of a soulmate? Why do people always assume that a soulmate is a person you spend the rest of your life with, like a spouse or partner?  Why can't it be a family member, a friend, a stranger, a pet, or anything else in between? Why does it have to be a permanent soulmate ? Has anyone ever thought that a soulmate may be a stranger that has a short but significant impact on your life?

The thing with Soulmates is that sometimes I can not find a reasonable explanation for things that happen in life. And I can assure you that I analyze almost everything! Let me give you some other people's examples.

Samantha had lived most of her life traveling with her businessman father and family to different States. Finally they settled in a city where she spent her high school and College years. She did not want to move anymore. Every time they moved, she would have to start all over again and making friends was not easy. When she graduated College, she got a very good job offer in another State. She did not want to move again, however, this job offer was to good to pass. So she did move and spent two years there. After that she moved to another State to another job. This time she did not want to relocate again. However, she was in a dead end job and her sister had recently moved to New York and wanted her to move close to her. There were so many job opportunities there and it was so tempting to move, however, she said no. Enough of this moving all over the place. One day Samantha was grocery shopping and a stranger stopped her and said, " You will meet your next husband in a bar, he will have green eyes and I can also see a young girl with curly hair". And with that, the stranger left. Samantha thought this woman was nuts! Another husband and kid! No way! She had already gone through a divorce and had two kids of her own! And also, Samantha never went to bars!

Five years later, Samantha went to the mall to buy clothes. It was after work and she hadn't had any dinner yet. She looked at the Food Court and decided not to eat there because nothing appealed to her. So she went into a fancier restaurant to eat. The bar was empty so she sat there instead of in a table, since she was alone. Like thirty minutes later this man walks in and comes towards her. This really upset her because she just wanted to eat and shop. The man saw how upset she was so he calmed her down by complimenting her. It happens that he was from New York and had moved to her City to get away from the cold weather. Eventually they got married and are still together. What makes this story interesting is the fact that he lived in New York while Samantha's sister was living there. Since Samantha never moved there, the soulmate theory is that he had to move to her State to find her! A few weeks into their relationship, she remembered the stranger who described her meeting a stranger in a bar! He did have green eyes! Samantha would never go to bars, but that night she did to have dinner. And the freakiest part of all was that one day he showed her his screensaver on his laptop. It was a picture of his niece. She was a toddler with curly hair!

The example above is based on male / female Soulmates. But this is not what I want to convey here. A soulmate can be your sister, brother, parent, teacher, pet, or anyone who has an impact on your life, either short or long. So I guess, I am like Carrie Bradshaw, Soulmates are like cabs, if you miss one take the next cab, maybe that will be your next soulmate!