Don't worry, be happy :)

Focus on life issues.
Ask Arlene MD is to focus on anything that has to do with mental health. In the past I've written about relationships but now I would like to focus more on mental health and try to be educational and entertaining. Life is always about relationships. These are either male, female, parent, child, neighbors, teachers, and the list is infinite. How we interact with others define us. If we are angry, we can develop toxic relationships. If we have a better attitude, then we will be happy. Happiness is really a state of mind. You chose to feel happy. You chose to be sad. You choose to be angry. You chose to be mean. Hopefully if you read this blog you will use it for insight, not to attack others. The purpose is to try to make people have a better and positive look at life. Enjoy!

Sunday, July 31, 2016

Multiple boyfriends, can it be done?

When people have two boy and / or girlfriends at the same time.

 I will try to be as gender neutral as a person can be while writing on such a sensitive matter.

I have a guy friend who is in his sixties who is being taken for a ride by a 57 year old woman. It's obvious to the rest of his friends except him. If any of us try to tell him to be careful, he will get so upset that we would risk losing a dear friend. So we just sit quietly on the sidelines and watch painfully on how she sucks up his money and emotions.

While observing her behavior, I have to admit that this woman is a pro. It's difficult to juggle but doable.

The reason it works so well for her is because one of the boyfriends lives out of town and the other is only around every other weekend when he is not seeing his kids from a previous marriage. This is how she manages it. She sees boyfriend number one, (both are divorce with little kids), every other Friday and Saturday and spends the night with him. Then she will see boyfriend number two every Sunday evening and every other weekend that boyfriend number one is with his kids. I have to clarify that boyfriend two lives out of town and only flies in every Friday through Monday to see his children. So she can easily manage the two men. However, boyfriend number two is in town every weekend to see his kids. So guess what? She has to get rid of him every other weekend her number one boyfriend is with her. Are you still following me? You know, I should give them fake names to make it easier to follow. Here goes.

Vickie has a minimal wage job. However she somehow manages to live by the beach and travel a lot. She also has a son in College and she supposedly visits her family in Texas frequently. She has a boyfriend, maybe married or divorced, I'm not sure yet, who I will call Brent. This was boyfriend number one. Well, Brent is the one who visits her every other Friday and Saturday. He is never around during the week days. She eventually met Bill, boyfriend number two. Bill lives in another State and flies to our town every weekend to see his children from a previous marriage. Bill is available every weekend from Friday night through Monday morning. The reason I noticed the pattern was because Vickie would only see Bill every other weekend on Friday and Saturday but she was able to see him every Sunday night for dinner before he flew back to his State to work. She seems to be getting paid by both lovers because she always has money to travel, pay her sons College tuition on a minimal wage job.  Anyway, I've seen Bill slip a check to her here and there.

So the lesson learnt here is that to be able to manage two relationships, both of the men ( or women) have to be distanced enough so the woman can juggle between them without either of them finding about the other.

I have to clarify that this is different than having an affair. Having an affair while you're married is stupid and most probably you will get caught. Why you may ask? Because when you are married or in a committed relationship, you're spending most of your time with your partner so you cannot simply disappear and use excuses of why you cannot meet with the boyfriend. That's why I strongly disagree with affairs. I believe that if you are in a committed relationship, you should be honest.

However, if you are not in a committed relationship, why not have two boyfriends instead of one? Is there a law against this ;) ? 

Monday, January 25, 2016

Soulmates, fantasy or reality?

Do we really have Soulmates? Some people believe and others don't.
I'll never forget that episode of "Sex and the City" when this was discussed at length. Charlotte believed we all get two chances in life to meet our soulmate, ( because she recently had divorced her first husband and was hoping for a second chance). Miranda, the red haired sarcastic attorney, didn't believe in Soulmates at all, and Samantha and Carrie believed in multiple Soulmates in life. In fact, Carrie's comment was "Soulmates are like cabs, if you miss one, you just get the next one.

I have my own take on this soulmate thing. I am inclined to be more like Carrie in the sense that why should we just conform with one soulmate in life? What is the definition of a soulmate? Why do people always assume that a soulmate is a person you spend the rest of your life with, like a spouse or partner?  Why can't it be a family member, a friend, a stranger, a pet, or anything else in between? Why does it have to be a permanent soulmate ? Has anyone ever thought that a soulmate may be a stranger that has a short but significant impact on your life?

The thing with Soulmates is that sometimes I can not find a reasonable explanation for things that happen in life. And I can assure you that I analyze almost everything! Let me give you some other people's examples.

Samantha had lived most of her life traveling with her businessman father and family to different States. Finally they settled in a city where she spent her high school and College years. She did not want to move anymore. Every time they moved, she would have to start all over again and making friends was not easy. When she graduated College, she got a very good job offer in another State. She did not want to move again, however, this job offer was to good to pass. So she did move and spent two years there. After that she moved to another State to another job. This time she did not want to relocate again. However, she was in a dead end job and her sister had recently moved to New York and wanted her to move close to her. There were so many job opportunities there and it was so tempting to move, however, she said no. Enough of this moving all over the place. One day Samantha was grocery shopping and a stranger stopped her and said, " You will meet your next husband in a bar, he will have green eyes and I can also see a young girl with curly hair". And with that, the stranger left. Samantha thought this woman was nuts! Another husband and kid! No way! She had already gone through a divorce and had two kids of her own! And also, Samantha never went to bars!

Five years later, Samantha went to the mall to buy clothes. It was after work and she hadn't had any dinner yet. She looked at the Food Court and decided not to eat there because nothing appealed to her. So she went into a fancier restaurant to eat. The bar was empty so she sat there instead of in a table, since she was alone. Like thirty minutes later this man walks in and comes towards her. This really upset her because she just wanted to eat and shop. The man saw how upset she was so he calmed her down by complimenting her. It happens that he was from New York and had moved to her City to get away from the cold weather. Eventually they got married and are still together. What makes this story interesting is the fact that he lived in New York while Samantha's sister was living there. Since Samantha never moved there, the soulmate theory is that he had to move to her State to find her! A few weeks into their relationship, she remembered the stranger who described her meeting a stranger in a bar! He did have green eyes! Samantha would never go to bars, but that night she did to have dinner. And the freakiest part of all was that one day he showed her his screensaver on his laptop. It was a picture of his niece. She was a toddler with curly hair!

The example above is based on male / female Soulmates. But this is not what I want to convey here. A soulmate can be your sister, brother, parent, teacher, pet, or anyone who has an impact on your life, either short or long. So I guess, I am like Carrie Bradshaw, Soulmates are like cabs, if you miss one take the next cab, maybe that will be your next soulmate!