Don't worry, be happy :)

Focus on life issues.
Ask Arlene MD is to focus on anything that has to do with mental health. In the past I've written about relationships but now I would like to focus more on mental health and try to be educational and entertaining. Life is always about relationships. These are either male, female, parent, child, neighbors, teachers, and the list is infinite. How we interact with others define us. If we are angry, we can develop toxic relationships. If we have a better attitude, then we will be happy. Happiness is really a state of mind. You chose to feel happy. You chose to be sad. You choose to be angry. You chose to be mean. Hopefully if you read this blog you will use it for insight, not to attack others. The purpose is to try to make people have a better and positive look at life. Enjoy!

Sunday, July 31, 2016

Multiple boyfriends, can it be done?

When people have two boy and / or girlfriends at the same time.

 I will try to be as gender neutral as a person can be while writing on such a sensitive matter.

I have a guy friend who is in his sixties who is being taken for a ride by a 57 year old woman. It's obvious to the rest of his friends except him. If any of us try to tell him to be careful, he will get so upset that we would risk losing a dear friend. So we just sit quietly on the sidelines and watch painfully on how she sucks up his money and emotions.

While observing her behavior, I have to admit that this woman is a pro. It's difficult to juggle but doable.

The reason it works so well for her is because one of the boyfriends lives out of town and the other is only around every other weekend when he is not seeing his kids from a previous marriage. This is how she manages it. She sees boyfriend number one, (both are divorce with little kids), every other Friday and Saturday and spends the night with him. Then she will see boyfriend number two every Sunday evening and every other weekend that boyfriend number one is with his kids. I have to clarify that boyfriend two lives out of town and only flies in every Friday through Monday to see his children. So she can easily manage the two men. However, boyfriend number two is in town every weekend to see his kids. So guess what? She has to get rid of him every other weekend her number one boyfriend is with her. Are you still following me? You know, I should give them fake names to make it easier to follow. Here goes.

Vickie has a minimal wage job. However she somehow manages to live by the beach and travel a lot. She also has a son in College and she supposedly visits her family in Texas frequently. She has a boyfriend, maybe married or divorced, I'm not sure yet, who I will call Brent. This was boyfriend number one. Well, Brent is the one who visits her every other Friday and Saturday. He is never around during the week days. She eventually met Bill, boyfriend number two. Bill lives in another State and flies to our town every weekend to see his children from a previous marriage. Bill is available every weekend from Friday night through Monday morning. The reason I noticed the pattern was because Vickie would only see Bill every other weekend on Friday and Saturday but she was able to see him every Sunday night for dinner before he flew back to his State to work. She seems to be getting paid by both lovers because she always has money to travel, pay her sons College tuition on a minimal wage job.  Anyway, I've seen Bill slip a check to her here and there.

So the lesson learnt here is that to be able to manage two relationships, both of the men ( or women) have to be distanced enough so the woman can juggle between them without either of them finding about the other.

I have to clarify that this is different than having an affair. Having an affair while you're married is stupid and most probably you will get caught. Why you may ask? Because when you are married or in a committed relationship, you're spending most of your time with your partner so you cannot simply disappear and use excuses of why you cannot meet with the boyfriend. That's why I strongly disagree with affairs. I believe that if you are in a committed relationship, you should be honest.

However, if you are not in a committed relationship, why not have two boyfriends instead of one? Is there a law against this ;) ? 

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