Don't worry, be happy :)

Focus on life issues.
Ask Arlene MD is to focus on anything that has to do with mental health. In the past I've written about relationships but now I would like to focus more on mental health and try to be educational and entertaining. Life is always about relationships. These are either male, female, parent, child, neighbors, teachers, and the list is infinite. How we interact with others define us. If we are angry, we can develop toxic relationships. If we have a better attitude, then we will be happy. Happiness is really a state of mind. You chose to feel happy. You chose to be sad. You choose to be angry. You chose to be mean. Hopefully if you read this blog you will use it for insight, not to attack others. The purpose is to try to make people have a better and positive look at life. Enjoy!

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Girls night out

If you are single and over forty, you are in a great position to date men between 30 and 60! I bet you thought I was going to say that you  where doomed. Gotcha! Women in their forties usually have had their kids, gotten married then divorced and suddenly they have to start all over again. It can be confusing for a while until you figure out that it's not such a bad deal after all. Of course, I am the kind that always sees my glass half full, never half empty. Work with me on this one. Think about it. You were just "released" from a "bad marriage", with all your future ahead of you to do exactly what you want. You don't have to consider your partners input, feelings nor his neurosis. You can watch whatever TV show you want. you have the remote in your hands! If you want to go out, you do, if not, you stay home. You can log in the web and check potential dates on a dating website. You don't have to wear make up or look pretty. You browse page after page of good looking men, and some not that good looking. Then if you decide so, you can go out for a night on the town! Now, here is the dilemma: do you want to hang out with your girlfriends or do you want to meet a potential date. A piece of advice here. Men usually won't approach a group of more then two women in a bar or restaurant. When you go out to a bar and see a group of several women chatting together, loudly, they won't approach you. They feel intimidated. However, your chances of meeting some one is better if you go out on your own and sit quietly on the bar. This has worked for me in the past with very good results!
I know that many women feel so sorry for themselves when they go through a break up. Don't! Men usually move on so fast its alarming! Learn from them and do the same. Why cry over spilled milk. No need to clean it up! Good luck and enjoy your new life.

Why didn't you tell me I was happy?

In one of the last episodes of the TV series “Monk”, “Monk and the badge”, Adrian Monk asks his psychiatrist, Dr. Bell, “Why didn’t you tell me I was happy? ”. For those of you, who have not followed “Monk”, let me give you some background. Throughout seven seasons, Monk has been trying to get reinstated in the police force. On the eight seasons, he finally gets his badge back. However, things are not the way they used to be. He is required to do work that he was unaccustomed to do and he had gotten quite comfortable with his status as a consulting detective. Every time I watch this episode I cannot help but wonder about my patients. How many times do people think that what they have is not good enough? Is it true that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence?
I am not saying that aspiring for more is a bad thing. However, being grateful for what we have is usually not practiced by most people. One of my girlfriends asked me what did I considered to be the best years of my life. It only took me a couple of seconds to respond. The best time of my life is now. She was surprised because her best years where when she was in her twenties. If you think about it for a little bit, you may “think” that the best times where in the past, however, people tend to idealize the past and don’t remember the bad things only the good.
Couples, for example, get bored with each other after many years of being together. They tend to get very comfortable and after a while, may start searching for something exiting and different. This may open room for temptations to seek an affair. If they do get involved in a affair, this may destroy their marriage and family. Once they look back at what they had, they may wonder that they were not so unhappy after all. Why didn’t you tell me I was happy?

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Are you in an abusive relationship?

A man doesn't have to hit you for you to be in an abusive relationship. there are many ways of abuse. To name a few, does these seem to be present in the relationship you are in?
1. He demeans you by putting you down. For example, he says you are fat, ugly, stupid, lazy or anything close to these.
2. He feels threaten by your success. Instead of being proud and happy for you, he acts jealous.
3. He tries to control everything you do. It may be how you dress, spend your money, who your friends are or isolates you from your family and loved ones. Isolating a woman from the people she loves is a very effective technique. Then the only "word" you hear is his. Eventually, all he says will be what you believe.
4.Does he "borrow" money from you? Abusive men tend to take advantage of the women by having them pay their bills, borrow her car, etc. It seems that they are always "taking" something from you instead of "giving" to you. Remember that when a man loves a woman, he wants to take care of her, protect her and love her.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Are You wife material or just for fun?

Men usually decide, in less then two minutes, what type of girl you are. Once they put you in a "wife" or "girlfriend" category, it's hard to make them change their minds. Therefore, first impressions do matter! So refrain from dirty language, slutty clothes, getting drunk or using drugs. Those are dealer breakers. Try to be polite, considerate and pleasant. This will take you where you want to go sooner!

Booty call

Are you a booty call? Tell tale signs
1. He always calls at the middle of the night on a week day.
2. Never takes you on a real date.
3. Doesn't call you on the phone in between "dates.
4. Doesn't call you the next morning.
5. Won't spend the night.
6. Never spends a weekend with you.
7. Disapears for days or weeks after sex.
8. Never says "I love you".
9. Leaves you as soon as he "comes".
10. Has a recurrent pattern on his behavior.