Don't worry, be happy :)

Focus on life issues.
Ask Arlene MD is to focus on anything that has to do with mental health. In the past I've written about relationships but now I would like to focus more on mental health and try to be educational and entertaining. Life is always about relationships. These are either male, female, parent, child, neighbors, teachers, and the list is infinite. How we interact with others define us. If we are angry, we can develop toxic relationships. If we have a better attitude, then we will be happy. Happiness is really a state of mind. You chose to feel happy. You chose to be sad. You choose to be angry. You chose to be mean. Hopefully if you read this blog you will use it for insight, not to attack others. The purpose is to try to make people have a better and positive look at life. Enjoy!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Does he love me, does he love me not?

Sometimes women ask themselves if this special guy has any feelings for her. When I was 13 years old, I recall reading an article in "Seventeen" that had a quiz that would tell a teenager if the guy she liked, liked her back. It was sort of  like this: If he looks away when you look at him, does he talk louder when you are around, does he call you and then hang up the phone, (there was no caller ID on those times, so honestly, there was no way of knowing who called and hanged up anyway) and silly questions similar to those. At the end of the quiz there was a scale that would tell you the "probability" of he liking you back. Nowadays, women still think the same way. Yesterday I was having my weekly manicure done when the girl doing the manicure told me she was going away for the weekend. I asked her if she was going alone. She said she had invited a friend and was hoping he would show up. I asked her if they where dating. She said,"no, but I think he likes me". I asked her why and she said that he had gone to her house to fix her computer and stayed for awhile. So she assumed he liked her. When I got home, I decided to ask a "guy" for his expert opinion. Of course this guy is my husband. He is a guy, rich in information so crucial for all of us girls to know. His answer was simple. "When a guy likes a woman, he just tells her, I like you". Men don't beat around the bush. They will tell you exactly how they feel right from the beginning. There is no guessing here. The problem is with us women. We girls love to read between the lines. I remember spending a whole night with a girlfriend dissecting my "relationship" with this guy that hardly ever called me. At the end of the night, we both agreed that he was truly in love with me but that he wanted to take it "slow" because he had "issues" that he needed to work on. Looking back now, I think this was so stupid. If the guy really liked me, he would have spend time with me. A few months later I met my husband. The night he met me, he immediately acted like he liked me and the next day, he told me he liked me. There was no guessing here. However, being that I am a woman, I had to "analyze" every word he said. I did this for months, not believing that he cared for me. He told me he loved me on our first date and he proposed 2 weeks after I met him. A year later we got married. That was simple. Looking back at past relationships, I recall several men proposing to me when I was younger. I never took them seriously since all of them "proposed" so early in the relationship. However,with  my first husband, I dated on and off for 7 years. He was always ambivalent about how he felt towards me. After 15 years of marriage, he told me that he had never loved me. What a shocker that was! After 15 years of marriage, 7 years of dating and three kids later, he tells me this! In retrospection, he really had been telling me all along. The problem was that I was not listening. This is similar to the all nighter I spend with my girlfriend analyzing another one of my relationships. So ladies, listen to the man. Is he telling you he loves you? Then he does. Is he not saying anything? Then thats your answer!

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