Don't worry, be happy :)

Focus on life issues.
Ask Arlene MD is to focus on anything that has to do with mental health. In the past I've written about relationships but now I would like to focus more on mental health and try to be educational and entertaining. Life is always about relationships. These are either male, female, parent, child, neighbors, teachers, and the list is infinite. How we interact with others define us. If we are angry, we can develop toxic relationships. If we have a better attitude, then we will be happy. Happiness is really a state of mind. You chose to feel happy. You chose to be sad. You choose to be angry. You chose to be mean. Hopefully if you read this blog you will use it for insight, not to attack others. The purpose is to try to make people have a better and positive look at life. Enjoy!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Listen to your spouse!

One of the things that upsets anyone is not to be listen nor acknowledge. In my practice I've seen many couples each talk a storm, while neither one is listening to the other. They look at me for validation of their feelings but are not truly interested in listening to what is bothering their partner. This is detrimental to any relationship. After years of this behavior, people just "give up" and wander away from each other. In my experience, men tend to avoid confrontation, so they will speak their piece, and if not listen, tend to shy away and let it go. However, resentment does build up. Women, usually repeat themselves endlessly. This is where the term "nagging" comes from. No good comes from this. For example, I had a couple come to my office. The wife complained her husband would scream and get loud and aggressive at home. He said that this was the only way his wife would listen to him. She had bought a dog without telling him. He didn't want a dog. She said she had told him about the dog. This was true but she failed to tell him about the dog prior to buying it. The dog was already in the house when she told him. To make things worst, she continued buying other dogs till she had eight in the house. Then she would not feed, bathe, groom nor walk them. The husband had to do all the "dog" chores. When I ask her why she wouldn't do some of the work, her answer was, "I am tired and he should work 50% of the house chores". After a whole session talking about the dogs and who should do what, I realized that this couple had little hope. Neither one was listening to what the other had to say. Worse still, she wouldn't take any responsibility on what she had done in bringing the dogs into the house. The couple left my office, angry at each other and with no intentions to listen to each other.

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